


all our yesterdays

by glitter_in_the_gutter



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, immortal mortal angst, old alec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 03:35:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14487960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitter_in_the_gutter/pseuds/glitter_in_the_gutter
Summary: "...one day I'm gonna be old and feeble and becoming this burden to you."





	all our yesterdays

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, my first language isn't English. Enjoy anyway!

Alec’s hands were trembling while he was trying to knot his tie. It was a ridiculous piece of clothing but since the kids got him the tie to his 50th birthday it was a traditon to wear it every year. And he wouldn’t admit it freely but he loved the blinding colors and the hideous pattern, but more so he loved how much joy it brought to everyone seeing him, eye-rolling and complaining, wearing such a silly tie. But today he was just frustrated with it and wanted to throw it in the corner.

„Hey birthday boy, let me help you with that.“ A warm voice, coupled with a sweet embrace from behind pulled him out from his thoughts.  
„No, i got it.“ He furrowed his brows and stubbornly fumbled with the tie.

There was a short silence and Alec felt that Magnus was fixating him in the mirror in front of them but he didn’t look up and tried to concentrate on the tie.  
„Of course you got it, i just felt generous because it’s your birthday. Don’t you think i’ll will offer you any help tomorrow when you will clean up the mess your guests make tonight.“ Magnus gave him a kiss on his cheek and Alec smiled a little. Probably for the first time today.

„You have magic for that….“ He said in a soft voice.  
„Oh! That’s right. And that’s why i’ll do this…..“ A mischievous grin appeared on the warlocks face and he snapped his fingers. The tie was perfectly knotted.  
„Hey! Not fair.“ Alec gave him a grim look but couldn’t hold it for long. He kissed Magnus and cupped his cheek. „Thanks.“  
„No problem, come on. Everyone is already here and they demand cake…. and you.“  
„That’s only because they can’t eat the cake without me, right?“  
Magnus chuckled and gave him a wink: „Probably.“ 

„Is Jace already here? I really wanted to ask him….“ Alec stopped abruptly because of the look Magnus gave him. „…about the….“ A few seconds ago his eyes were cheerful but now he saw a glimpse of horror in it. „….what is it?“ Alec didn’t want to stutter but he felt suddenly very irritated.

There was again an uncomfortable silence. And Alec could have sworn that Magnus eyes got a little teary. 

„Honey, Jace died 13 years ago.“

The silence grew heavier and Alec’s hands started again to tremble when he whispered: „Are you messing with me?“ Wasn’t it a few days ago that he and Jace met, were looking through some old pictures and making fun of how good they looked back in the day?  
„I would never.“ Magnus‘ voice broke and he took a deep breath before he turned to the door. Alec knew him and even when he didn’t face him, he could see that he was wiping away some tears.

„I… i suddenly feel so good. Maybe i’ll come down a little later.“ His body started to shake and it took him all his energy and composure to not break down here on the spot.  
„No, i send everyone home and we will make it a nice quiet evening, just the two of us.“ When Magnus faced him again, he looked just as cheerful as he did a few minutes ago. But Alec knew he was anything but.

 

xxxxxx

 

Alec opened his eyes. It was dark in the bedroom and the bed beside him was empty. That wasn’t exactly suprising, since he went to bed so early because he was really tired and exhausted. He stared into the darkness and after a few moments he decided he couldn’t sleep anymore. So he went up but before he could make his way into the living room he heard heated voices and remembered. Catarina came for a visit. They drank some wine but Alec was way too tired for a whole evening of company so he excused himself early.

„Magnus, you have to think about yourself. You need rest.“  
„I’m perfectly fine.“  
Magnus voice was kind of hard and Alec swallowed the lump in his throat. Was this about him?  
„No, you’re not. You just can’t take care of him 24/7. Also it would be good for him to be surrounded by people his age.“  
„I’m not giving him into some nursing home. No way!“

Tears fell from Alec’s eyes. It was about him. He was never the most exciting person when he was young, but at least he was kind of good looking. And now he remembered something that he said once and it came back full forces. 

„One day i’m gonna be old and feeble….“ He couldn’t stop his tears, nor could he stop the quiet sobbing. „…and i’m gona be this burden to you!“  
„You asked me for my professional opinion. You’re not doing him or yourself a favor. I know you love him more than anything but...“

Alec tried to get it together. Catarina was right. He could not be responsible for Magnus throwing away his life just because of him. He slowly opened the door to the living room.  
„Cat is right, Magnus.“ His voice was shaky but he looked Magnus straight in the eyes. Both of them looked at him in shock, like they saw a ghost. He didn’t let him time to argue.  
„When was the last time you went out? When was the last time you lived a little? All you do is care for me, being there for me. She is right, you have to think about you. You’re just a shell of your former self.“  
Magnus shook his head: „I don’t care about going out? I want to spend time with you before….“ He bit his lips but it was too late. Alec’s eyes widened but he didn’t say anything , his eyes fixating the carpet.  
„It’s my desicion.“ He whispered and then looked back up. „You deserve to live. You don’t deserve being trapped here with me. I don’t want that.“

xxxxx

Alec loved this chair. He knew it was a special chair. He loved the red color and the velvet. But he couldn’t remember why this chair was so special? The more he thought about it, the more he came to the conclusion that not the chair was special but the owner. This chair belonged to a special person, who he associated deep love with.

The old lady in the wheelchair who was sitting across the table, were slowly approaching to him. After a few minutes she nodded to the photograph on the table. „Is that a picture of you?“  
Alec smiled a little: „Yeah, but it was taken a long long time ago.“  
„You were quite handsome. I guess the ladies were nuts about you?“ She chuckled and Alec’s smile grew a little wider.  
„I don’t remember so much from back in the day, but i remember that i never gave a damn of what ladies thought of me.“ They both looked at each other and shared a laugh. 

„Alec.“ He looked up and saw a kind and loving face. He knew this nurse. Catarina was her name. She came here quite often and always had really nice things to say. But she wasn’t the chair person. If he only could remember. „You have a guest.“

His eyes automatically went to the door. And he saw the most beautiful man he ever laid eyes on. He tilted his head a little. What would this young handsome guy want from him? Gracefully the man came closer to him and cupped his face in his hands. „Alec.“ There was a warmth in his voice that made his stomach flutter. His eyes were full of love. „I’m so sorry Alec, i got caught up in an incident. I wanted to be back sooner….“ 

Alec could just stare at him, while he talked. If there was a white light that people claimed to see before they died, maybe this was his white light? 

He pulled out of his gaze and his look wandered to Catarina. Helplessly and confused he asked her with a shaky voice: „Who… who is this?“

There was a silence and he instinctly knew he said something that he shouldn’t have. He bit his lip and his eyes fixated the handsome man again. „I’m sorry.“ He took a deep breath and closed his eyes a few seconds.

When he opened his eyes again he asked in a small voice: „Is this by any chance your chair?“  
„Yes, yes my love it is.“ The man obviously tried to hold back some tears but it wasn’t really successful.

„Somehow i hoped that would be true.“ Alec smiled and closed his eyes again.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry ;_;


End file.
